I’ve been thinking about love lately and its killing me.  I’ve been hanging out with this girl who is awesome, smart, funny, dorky and awesome.  The only thing is that I’m fat.  

   I know what you’re saying, “Tad, you’re not fa—” YES I AM!!  Stop being so nice, its awesome but kind of annoying at the same time, geeeeeeeeez…  So yeah, I have what I am calling “Fat Guy Syndrome.”  Fat Guy Syndrome, or FGS, is where you are considered a ‘brother,’ new best friend, and/or awesome guy friend.  Theres really no way of going beyond that.  Well I mean you can but thats treading into DARK TERRITORY -lighting sounds-. 

   So yeah…  I really don’t know why I am really writing this.  Maybe to just get it out of my system, maybe find the elusive cure for FGS, I really don’t know.  

   I really like this girl, but she doesn’t see me as I see her.  Yes this is all mushy jr. high bullshit but I really haven’t this was in a long time… a really long time…  I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster.  I really don’t fall for people, nor has really anyone ever fell for me, but I can’t help it.  

   She makes me feel happy, sad, and confused.  I FUCKING LOVE IT!!  Its been so long since I’ve felt this way, I feel human again.  Not some background character who says a funny line here and there.  Only thing is I can’t say anything.  I cherish our time together to much to ruin it for something that will never work.  

I’m scared.  I’m happy.  I’m in love.